Biting my lip as I watch and wait, time strangles me.
Robbed of my voice, it feels like my words falls on deaf ears.
Open arguments course through me like poison in my blood.
Killing my heart, my soul refuses to be moved.
Even with my life falling before my eyes I cannot move.
Nothing is all I do.
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3 comments:
The point of this is that if you link every individual sentence together, it forms a whole. But the person is broken, so the sentences are separated to show that. (I did a quick link below)
Biting my lip as I watch and wait, time strangles me; robbed of my voice it feels like my words fall on deaf ears- open arguments course through me like poison in my blood, killing my heart-my soul refuses to me moved, even with my life falling before my eyes I cannot move- nothing is all I do.
nice prose and imagery.
I dunno about this "broken sentence" thing, though, really.
I think it was actually really tight right here: "Open arguments course through me like poison in my blood - killing my heart - my soul refuses to be moved."
"Killing my heart" could go with the above sentence or the below sentence. Which i think is really cool, and were all the lines like that, it would be really powerful.
just my two rupees.
lol thanks.
actually, the poem i wrote before this (My Greatest Fear) you can actually read as an entire sentence, as two lines, or skip the second line and only form a sentence with the rhyming lines.
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